To be slow to anger, put a gap between what you feel and what you say. Scripture's instruction is in a very particular order: listen first, speak second, and anger last. A pause of even a few seconds makes room for that order.
“Wherefore, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath:”
James 1:19 (KJV)
These are small practices for the kitchen, the inbox and the car ride home.
Pause before you answer
Take one slow breath before you reply. If it's a text or email, wait ten minutes. The worst things we say tend to come out fastest.
Try this as a quick prayer, borrowed from the psalmist:
“Set a watch, O LORD, before my mouth; keep the door of my lips.”
Psalm 141:3 (KJV)
Listen for what's underneath
Swift to hear means actually hearing. Try saying back what you heard before you respond: "So you're saying you felt left out of that?" It's surprising how often the argument changes shape once the other person feels heard. Ask one more question than you normally would.
Lower your voice on purpose
“A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger.”
Proverbs 15:1 (KJV)
This one is physical. Speak more quietly and slowly than you feel like speaking. It can be hard to keep shouting at someone who isn't shouting back.
Don't carry it to bed
“Be ye angry, and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your wrath:”
Ephesians 4:26 (KJV)
Paul allows that anger happens, and sometimes it's justified. His concern is with how long it stays. You can't always resolve a conflict before dark, but you can say, "I'm still upset, and I love you, and we'll talk tomorrow."
Go back and repair
You will lose your temper anyway. When you do, go back. Say what you did without adding "but you." An apology offered without excuses is one of the most faithful things a person can do, and children especially remember it.
If your anger frightens you or the people around you, a pastor or counselor can help, and asking is a good and brave step. If you're the one on the receiving end of someone's anger, please read our note on what forgiveness doesn't ask of you.
Try this today
Pick the person who's most likely to set you off today. Decide in advance that your first response to them will be a question. If it goes badly, how to forgive someone covers the next step, and prayers for your family may help at home.
For the evening after you lost your temper anyway. Fig Devotional is a daily devotional for iPhone: a verse, a prayer and one small action, ending in a card like this one. Its guides are illustrated characters and its reflections are written with AI.
Common questions
What does slow to anger mean in the Bible?
It means not letting anger be your first response. James 1:19 pairs it with being quick to hear and slow to speak, so listening comes first and anger comes last, if at all.
How do I control my anger as a Christian?
Pause before you respond, pray a short prayer, listen for what the other person is actually saying, and go back to apologize when you get it wrong. If anger is hurting people around you, please talk with a pastor or counselor.
Is it a sin to be angry?
Not in itself. Ephesians 4:26 says, be ye angry, and sin not. Anger can be a right response to wrong. The warning is about what you do with it and how long you hold it.
What is a Bible verse about watching your words?
Proverbs 15:1 says a soft answer turns away wrath, and Psalm 141:3 is a prayer asking God to set a watch over your mouth.