To encourage someone, tell them specifically what you see in them, stay with them in what's hard, and follow up a few days later. It usually takes less than you'd expect. One honest sentence from someone who noticed can stay with a person for years. The word Scripture uses here is to build someone up, and it's a job given to ordinary people.
“Wherefore comfort yourselves together, and edify one another, even as also ye do.”
1 Thessalonians 5:11 (KJV)
Be specific
"You're amazing" is pleasant and easy to dismiss. "I saw how patient you were with your dad at lunch" is harder to brush off, because it's true and you noticed it. Before you send a message, ask what exactly you've seen in this person lately.
Keep showing up
“And let us consider one another to provoke unto love and to good works: Not forsaking the assembling of ourselves together, as the manner of some is; but exhorting one another:”
Hebrews 10:24-25 (KJV)
Consider means to pay attention. Encouragement is mostly attention over time. Put a reminder in your phone to check in on the friend whose crisis has gone quiet. The second message, three weeks later, is often the one that matters.
Choose your words with care
“A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in pictures of silver.”
Proverbs 25:11 (KJV)
Fitly is the important word. A verse that comforts on one day can sting on another. Job's friends started well: they sat with him in silence. Their trouble began when they started explaining. Try these:
- Good to say: "I'm so sorry." "I'm thinking of you." "What's the hardest part today?" "Can I bring dinner on Thursday?"
- Better to avoid: "Everything happens for a reason." "God needed another angel." "At least..." "You just need more faith."
Offer to pray, then do it
Ask, "Can I pray for you about this?" You can do it right there, or send your prayer in a message. Then ask how things went. See these prayers for grief and comfort if you need words for someone who has lost a person.
Send something they can keep
A handwritten note on a counter lasts longer than a message that scrolls away. So does a card they can save. Our list of Bible verses to encourage a friend includes a short note you can use with each verse.
Try this today
Think of one person, and send them one sentence that starts with "I noticed." No need to ask for anything or add a verse unless it fits.
Sometimes a card says what a long message can't. This one was made to be sent. Fig Devotional is a daily devotional for iPhone: a verse, a prayer and one small action, ending in a card like this one. Its guides are illustrated characters and its reflections are written with AI.
Common questions
How do you encourage someone biblically?
Be specific, be brief and be present. Tell them what you see in them, share a verse only if it fits, offer to pray, and follow up. 1 Thessalonians 5:11 calls believers to comfort and build each other up.
What do you say to someone who is struggling?
Try: I'm thinking of you, I'm sorry this is so hard, and I'm not going anywhere. Avoid explaining why it's happening or telling them it will all work out. You don't know that, and they may not be ready to hear it.
What is a good Bible verse to send someone?
Psalm 34:18, Isaiah 41:10 and Romans 15:13 are often shared. Choose one with the person's situation in mind, and add one line of your own.
How can I encourage someone who doesn't share my faith?
Be a good friend first. Kindness, practical help and honest words don't need a verse attached. Offer to pray only if you think it would be welcome.